remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
