I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
