i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You can't special order awesome
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize