Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
