come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
