Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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