i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize