I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
