watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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