You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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