he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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