I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
