I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
