Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
