I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
