I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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