How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
we're so committed to being not committed
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
