the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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