I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
