Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
