About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
