I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Found the puke drawer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
