we have pet lesbian snakes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
