the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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