??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
