I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
