Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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