I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
