..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
