Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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