If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize