she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
