I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sext me about skeletons
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
