What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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