So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
