I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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