this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
