Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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