I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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