I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
