hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
