I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
