I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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