Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
