can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
