I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
