if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
