Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
