Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
