census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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