i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I need help removing her.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
