I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
