wanna go halves on a baby?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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