based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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