I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
