there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
