i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
