sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
