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i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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