I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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