Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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