I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
