It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize