doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
