So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
