I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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