Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
